Thursday, February 26, 2009

Do as I say Not as I do

Today I watched a Montel Williams YouTube video on polyamorous relationships. Some of the comments from people on the street where, "You can have sex with multiple people but, you can't be in love with multiple people," or "you can love more than one person but it gets too tricky." A woman in the audience stated she would not have gotten married if she was going to be having more than one relationship.

While an individual may not necessarily agree with polyamorous relationships, do you think the people making those comments were being truthful? Every poll or statistic that I have ever seen on cheating shows that's what many of us are doing.

18 comments:

  1. I personally feel the at intimacy should be reserved to one person. That is the person you are married to. Multiple sex partners diminishes us to impulsive acts, primal behaviors that does not make us any different than animals in heat.

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  2. "Multiple sex partners diminishes to impulsive acts." What if these are the same multiple sex partners? Does that make a difference? If people want to have sex and do so honestly and safely, why shouldn't they have sex with whomever they want? -JK

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  3. There is not somebody for everybody and marriage isn’t always happily ever after. The dynamics of relationships change all the time. And when all the adults involved are emotionally mature and strong enough to handle a situation as complex as a polyamorous relationship, who is anyone else to judge their decision. Being loved is a beautiful thing. Polyamorous pretty much translates to “many loves.” To be able to handle love, respect, support, intimacy from more than one other person could only enhance what one love brings to one’s well being.

    Nette

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  4. Yarrow~
    Do you not believe we can be intimate with many different people. One might describe the relationship with their mother or best friend as intimate. Through out life we have many people that at one point we may be very close to and after time drift apart. As we mature and go through life changes. WE change. People outgrow eachother. What happens we you outgrow your mate? What if at 20 years old you meet the love of your life then when you turn 40 he hasn't grown with you? Is it okay to move on? Or are you stuck with a person who you feel is unequal to you?

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  5. Jk~
    Some may feel that it is hard to feel safe with just one partner. I am sure I have heard of a case where a married women found out she was HIV positive when she believed her husband was being "true" to her. If one can not be sure in what is suppose to be a monogamous relationship that the other is not cheating or protecting him/her self when venturing out, wouldn't it be much more difficult to be sure of this if you have multiple partners?

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  6. Nette~
    I agree with you that being loved by many people is a good thing. Do you think it possible that when having multiple sexual relationships you might spread yourself thin and actually deprive your mates of the full capacity of your love?

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  7. I came across this post from a man on another site and had to share, as a woman it saddens me the reality of it maybe i'm living in a fairy tale world thinking there is one for me and only me and will not stray with temptation once were committed?

    HOLDING OUT ON THE PUSSY WONT MAKE US RESPECT YOU MORE......AT ALL

    In todays liberated world, id like to list the top reasons of mine as well as the myths of holding out on fucking not being "respectable"


    1. If he isnt fucking you he is fucking somebody. No dude is going to go without and the fact that many women are now liberated they can fuck and keep it moving. What better target to land than the man who is being held out on for any reason? Both parties benefit. She can get unchained dick when she wants and it leaves immediately. He can still get his knowing he has a woman that only wants to fuck him and you would never know as you hold out on giving it to him.

    2. If you hold out on the pussy it better be the best he has ever had in his life. and i dont mean 2nd best. And since he has been fucking already, its not that he doesnt have another option. That sex better be no less than ground breaking, becauseif it isnt and you made him wait all this time know that he will not call you frequently, and even your good personality wont matter. Your sex was wack as fuck and since he knows he wont be desiring it as much any longer talking to you will go to a minimal. So agan, if you make him wait, you better have earth shattering shit. in addition if he is giving you multiple orgasms and you can barely make him bust one, it would help that it happened early with sex than making him wait and then it happen. Ill speak for the fellas...we hate you if this happens.

    3. Busting a nut with you is no different than the one who didnt hold out. in the end a nut is going to be a nut. For those dudes that do want a relationship ill say this. The only dudes that want their women all with a chastity belt on are the dudes who cant fuck or have littel dicks and also cant fuck for obvious reasons. A dude who can fuck could care less about your sexual past because internally he knows that he is going to do everything possible to get you off as a woman. I always say thatr any man can get an inexperienced woman, she doesnt know much different. But a true Boss can take that woman who has been around the block and make her want nothing but you....Ch-uch, For the men that want relationships the only thing they truly HAVE to have is peace.....and good pussy with no stress is a contributor to it,

    4. We have realized that great dick has equal if not more value than decent pussy. Most dudes are going to get theirs...though for years i still challenge that shit because i have been the victim of hyped up pussy that was terrible once we actually did it. But great dick is a commodity to women because as TNT's forum indicates, there are wack niggas out there. So in response to her forum ill say this. Without question you want a big dick that knows what its doing. but a lot comes with that oce you get it. A big dick who can fuck doesnt have to put up with ANY bullshit. First sign of unnecessary lip and commentary, we will walk. Why? Because the same way you wanted it and enjoy it when you get it is the same way another woman wants it. we tend to gravitate toward the good pussy that gives us peace. Your pussy can be dynamite but we wont take the stress that comes with it. We will always deal with not as good pussy if it comes with peace.

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  8. WHAT?...WHAT?...I dont see how any of that vulgur comment has anything to do with polyamorous relationships. With the comments this person made, I can’t see one person wanting to have a relationship with them, let alone two or many!

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  9. These comments may be vulgar, but from a man's point of view they are, statistically anyway, correct. There are more females than males on the planet. So we have more to chose from. This could also be a reason why more often women than men are tolerant of multiple partners in a relationship. How many times have we heard of the man cheating and the woman choses to stay and try to work it out than vice versa. Men will leave in a heartbeat if they find out their woman is cheating on them or giving them too much stress. Polyamorous is sort of a deceptive word because it insinuates that there is love involved with multiple partners in these relationships. More often than not, its just a good time and a good fuck...

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  10. Tdawgzx12, it seems you agree with polyamory, as long as it is involving multiple females and only one male. Do you not believe a person can have love for multiple people simultaneously? If not then why isn't the love a man may have for his primary significant other enough to keep men from straying. Is having a good time with other women enough to ruin a relationship. Or do men do it because they believe since they outnumber women, the women will stay and deal with it. This brings me back to my one of my first post. Is it that women in these polyamorous relationships participating because of pressure to fulfill their male counterparts desires?

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  11. Never said I agree with it..Only stated that the previous post was true. Personally I don't believe you can truly love love simultaneous partners in an intimate way. There are different levels of love. The love you have for your children is different from the love you have from your spouse. Intimate relationships require a lot of work. And it is precisely because the man has lost whatever love he had for his significant other that he choses to stray. And men do it because women allow it. For whatever reason. Many chose to stay rather than leave.

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  12. I think it’s so funny how guys have this hard, “I just wanna fuck” attitude until you treat them like a fuck. Then we have to hear about your emotions and feelings.
    You know what, women want a good fuck as much as any man, probably more. Yes, women do have a tendency to tolerate a relationship with a cheater. She is smart enough to know not to throw away part of her wallet, because that is what he is reduced to after the deception. We know what were working with on this planet, things have not been fair. So we have had to play things different. Perhaps not on this planet, but in this country, things are shifting fast. We don’t like being board or stressed either. As men see how their well being could depend on his woman, he’ll learn tolerance too. I’m sure you know someone already.
    We know that a man’s ego is too fragile to move passed knowing that someone had his woman. Because he knows that if a woman has gone to that extent, he hasn’t been doing his job AND he knows how the next man is going to work it.
    Cheating, swinging, polyamory all mean different things. If a woman was going to accept any one of them, I am sure it would be one that involved honesty.

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  13. So if a woman is so smart as not to throw away her wallet, what is your reasoning for whole societies that accept this type of behavior even here in the U.S. Like the Branch Dividians and some Muslims her in this country? I don't think it is as much about ego as it is about being territorial with most males. One thing we as humans forget is that we are at our core animals. You see in many relationships in nature that there are multiple females to one male. And in some rare instances like Meerkats there is one breeding female to several males. There are also philosophical views to consider as well. Even in early Christianity it was acceptable for men to have multiple wives in order to have a lot of children to help tend to agricultural duties. The bottom line is there are multiple reasons why women and men accept a cheater, swinger, polygamist and whatever other types of relationships there may be. This is more complicated than it appears on the surface. Honesty may be a consideration in some instances and necessity in others, but definitely not all.

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  14. Are you Branch Dividian? Muslim? Do your friends or your associates have agricultural duties that require a polyamorous arrangement? I won’t even ask about your relation to the meerkats. You can come up with all types of religious or cross-species reasons for why people have multiple partners, but let’s keep it simple. My original statement did not oppose polyamory, I believe that mature adults that choose such a lifestyle shouldn’t be condemned for their life decisions. But when statements are made that women have to take a man cheating because there are fewer penises per capita, I have a problem. Women are in a position to make choices that fit their personal situations, lifestyles or libidos. And rational choices can only truly be made if all parties involved have full disclosure. HONESTY! You'll be surprised to you discover what some women really want.
    The way that men are territorial has much to do with ego. Think about it.

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  15. Who is condemning them? And you can have a problem with the statement all you want too. It doesn't change the fact that for some women that is why they stay. And women are not the only ones in a situation to make an informed and rational choice. Men are as well. The examples about other cultures and species are simply there to illustrate that there are different reasons why creatures on this earth behave the way they do. And some of the reasons have nothing to do with honesty or what we want. And it would not surprise me at all to know what women want. And you can only speak for yourself, not every other woman out there. Just like men may not know what every woman wants, nor do you. Being territorial has something to do with ego in some cases, not in all. In some instances it is interpreted as protection and security. So you do some thinking yourself.!!!

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  16. I am not speaking for ALL the women anymore than you are speaking for ALL the creatures on earth!!! I know we are drawn to others for many different types of reasons. From the desire to have a family to satisfying animalistic urges. I don’t know any woman who would not want to know who she is dealing with, even if it’s on a basic level, before proceeding with them. From “Do you have a wife?” to “Are your condoms outdated?” no matter how minuscule the information, they want it to be truthful. Whatever you know about women, you should know that.
    I cannot possibly speak for all cases of a man’s ego, but I appreciate you acknowledging that I am right in some of them.

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  17. Tdawgzx12~
    I disagree with your view on not being able to love simultaneous partners in an intimate way. Yes the love you have for your children is different from the love from your spouse. But, if you have multiple children don't you still have an intense love for them all (and maybe in different ways. Don't you have an intense love for your brothers and sisters(if you have them) what about your friends? I agree with you when you state intimate relationships require a lot of work. But, putting that work in is what keeps your children, your siblings, your friends and possibly your lovers connected to you. Do you find that task impossible. At times it may get difficult but when a relationship is important the hard work required in the maintenance of those relationships is usually rewarded.

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  18. Nette~

    Honesty is what I believe most women are seeking. I believe if honesty was more prevelent in relationships polyamory would be much more common. Many women wouldn't sit on the sidelines watching their man enjoy all the pleasure of dating outside of the relationship while they sit quietly by. Wouldn't they love it if we did!! My understanding is that true polyamory is based on honesty and communication. I have met many men (in my family and outside of my family) who are cheaters. Those same men can not handle it when it is done back to them. Women are taking a stand and refusing to be constantly subjected to the doggish and animalistic treatment men so easily dish out. I believe this is why the divorce rate is skyrocketing. I have a great respect for a man that has become better communicator and learn a bit of honesty. Whether a woman is looking for monogamous relationship or a polyamorous relationship, that man who respects us enough to open up, communicate, and be honest is the man we are looking for.

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